Letting Go

Throughout my short twenty four years of life I've learned more times than I can count that letting go, while sometimes the best thing for me, is sometimes the hardest thing to do.  The hardest part of letting go is knowing that it's for the best but still thinking that I don't want to.

Today I'm talking about letting go of someone who isn't good for me.  I've actually mentioned him before here.  I called him The Player then but I think I'll just refer to him as "him" from now on. I'm not sure that the name I gave him then really fits what he is.  But please don't ask me what he is because I couldn't tell you even if I tried.  Anyways, back to the point of the story...

After taking some time apart, again, we've found our way back to each other again.  We've been randomly talking and even more randomly getting together.  I'm not sure what I was thinking by letting him into my life again.  Yes, I made some great memories with him when we first reconnected (and he was single) but those memories will always be there.  I don't need to continue to hang out with him to remember the good times we had.

After seeing him this past Friday night and having him text me in the wee hours of the morning Saturday to see if I was awake, it hit me.  And then I was hit with it again Sunday when The Single Woman tweeted, "Whether your phone rings at 2pm when he's busy or 2am when he's lonely should tell you whether or not he's right for you."  It was like she knew my life and knew I needed to read that.  He isn't right for me!

Whether your phone rings at 2pm when he's busy or 2am when he's lonely should tell you whether or not he's right for you.
— TheSingleWoman™ (@TheSingleWoman) October 6, 2014

Funny thing is, I knew this all along. I've known he's not right for me.  I want a man who will be 100% happy with me and not need to hang out with other girls (and clearly blur the lines of friendship) for whatever reason.  This guy is not that man.  So why do I keep letting him back into my life?

Probably because the dating aspect of my life doesn't seem to be going so great.  (Maybe more on the dating stuff another time.)  Essentially this guy is just kind of always around so when I'm feeling down about the lack of prospects in my life I like to feel like I'm wanted by at least one guy.  This is definitely not a healthy way to go about dealing with how I feel though so it needs to end.

And after this past weekend I've decided that it will happen no more.  I cannot continue to let him into my life to mess things up.  I feel like he pulls me back from the progress I make with being okay with being single and also with trying to join the dating world.  He won't make me happy in the long run and he's not what I want from a man.  It may be hard to let go of this safety net (if you could call it that considering that it isn't always preventing me from being hurt) that I have with him but it needs to be done.  It's going to be hard because I'm sure he'll try to talk to me again and make me want to give in to seeing him again.  Isn't it always though?  I deleted his text messages and I'll be working double time to remove him from my best friends on snapchat.

I even took it a step further and let go of the failed attempts at dating that I was holding onto in my messages.  Initially I kept them for blogging purposes (thought I might reference them for a post).  But then as time passed I realized it was past the appropriate time frame to blog about each of those failed attempts individually (where I would have liked to reference those messages) and that I was just holding on to them more as reminders of what didn't work.

I'm starting fresh with no reminders of the past and things that didn't work out.  I've let go and I'm moving on.

Do you ever struggle to let go of something/someone you know is bad for you?